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Friday, October 8, 2010

North vs. South (Football Edition)

This was forwarded to me,  looks right to me. 

WOMEN'S ATTIRE
North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket. 
South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara (waterproof), concealer, and a bottle Perrier. Wallet not necessary-that's what dates are for. This was forwarded to me,  looks right to me.

STADIUM SIZE
North: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000

NAMES
North: Doug Flutie
South: Archie, Peyton and Eli Manning


FATHERS
North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

ATTIRE
North: Male and female alike: tshirts, cargo shorts, school hoodies, jeans
South: Male - pressed khakis, oxford shirt, cap with fraternity logo.  Female -sundress, Jack Rogers, scarfs, leather boots

CAMPUS DECOR
North: Statues of Founding Fathers.
South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN
North: Also a physics major.
South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES
North: Mario Cuomo
South: "Bear" Bryant, Bobby Bowden, Steve Spurrier'

GETTING TICKETS
North: 5 days before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets. 
South: 5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going because they have class on Friday.
South: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class on Friday.

PARKING
North: An hour or two before game time the university opens the campus for game parking.
South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.

GAME DAY
North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day "Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots from up North who wonder why Game Day is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING
North: Wieners on the grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie &the Blowfish, who come over during breaks and ask for a couple bottles of beer.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM
North: You have to ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it you walk right in with no line. South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state's third largest city.

CONCESSIONS
North: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.
South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot-filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.

WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
North: Stands are less than half full.
South: 80,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
North: Nothing changes.
South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon 


COMMENTARY (MALE)
North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch! Tackle him and break his legs!!!"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
North: "My, this is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch! Tackle him and break his legs!!!"

AFTER THE GAME 
North: The stadium is empty before the game ends.
South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

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